What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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