I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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