You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
