You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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