I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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