If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
