did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
