I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
