she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
