i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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