It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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