you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
