Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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