You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
