I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How does one acquire holy water?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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