Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
