Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
