So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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