he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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