I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
