If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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