I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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