Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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