I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this just has baby written all over it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
