What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
