At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
