Sponge bath it is.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We are two peas in an std pod
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize