she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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