Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
