At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Bring me that man meat
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
