Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
