it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
