totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
