At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
