Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
