No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
