I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
