btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
