You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
