you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
