I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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