Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
