I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
