don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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