kristin has been a bad kristin
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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