Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
