just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
