the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
