In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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