I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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