Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
