Pants 0. Shit 1.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize