did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
