You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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