Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
