Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize