Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize