Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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