Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
