I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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