when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm passing your future prison.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
