I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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