In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
