it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
