The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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