can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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