you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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