I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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