Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
